Who will be the next Prime Minister of the Red Dot?

Well, if you haven’t already know me, then cool. This is a brand new start. And if you were to read my previous-blog religiously, you would have by now know that I picked my topics well.
Topic of the day would be close to many Singaporeans’ hearts. Gay or not, that is. I’d call it, the Battle of the Red Dot. Who will be the next Prime Minister of the Red Dot?
The way I look at it, pardon me if you are Prime Minister and if you are reading this, we have four candidates. And I am pretty sure, my nominees are different from your four (that is, if you have). But having spoke to my friends, we are sure these are the four, for the people, like it or not.
Drums-roll puh-LEEze.
Candidate number 1.
He’s the blue-eyed boy. The ‘teeee-gong-kia’. His rank is even higher than our current Prime Minister in the army. Do you know who I am referring to? Raise your hand, ‘keeee-qiu’, if you do!
Yes. Chan Chun Sing.
Before further ado, let me introduce you my panel of judges, our little focus group which of course included Mason, BlueJeans and LongBitch. Yes we do talk about serious stuff once in a blue moon. When we are not bitching, that is.
Now, Chan Chun Sing is intelligent. No doubt. Academically, at the very least, if you don’t agree. He is able to break complex problems into heuristics. He knows politics well. He knows whose favour to curry. If you have seen the way he held Grandfather Lee’s arms, you’d know he KNOWS what respect is. And eh-hem, how to handle politics. I am sure we need a Prime Minister who is sorta street-smart too, apart from being academic smart. In LongBitch’s words, “Chan is fugly with a capital FUGLY but he is smart lah, not to forget, lucky too. All the time.”
And now that he got yet another new assignment, safe one, we all can’t but agree that he is the real ‘Teeee-gong-kia’. But none of us are interested to see his body.
Candidate number 2.
Tan Chuan-jin.
Minister of Manpower. So man lor.
Now, this guy is articulate. He speaks well and I guess we need a Prime Minister who speaks well. Chan needs more than luck with his kinda accent. So we are rooting for Tan Chuan-jin instead. In fact, I promised not to mention name but one of our judges would love to root him. Tan Chuan-jin has the presence and aura too lah. More like Prime Minister style. He is more real too. Maybe naive but at least, he has a good heart and loves to help. Last but not least, he is quick-witted with his comebacks when attacked. Our Pick but no luck lor, he’s still number 2 cos Chan Chun Sing is ’Teeee-gong-kia’ mah.
Thing is. This guy got zero luck. Not many people dare to openly support him for some reason. Got one of the toughest portfolios, damn Suay. Oh wellzzz.
Candidate number 3.
Low Thia Khiang.
Face kena lorry. Popular with the working-men (that means almost everyone who can vote). Maybe that’s why in Workers’ Party. He is a people person lah. With this kinda face and accent also can be people’s person, he must have some substance lah.
After so many years, Grandfather Lee still can’t sue him, he must be quite there as we concluded. But quoting Mason, “This guy everything also no comment, AHPETC incident also don’t come out, I think our neighbour sure whack us if he becomes Prime Minister.” True lah. But we still think he is more real than Chan Chun Sing, lose to Tan Chuan-jin lor. After all, he calls spade a heart, and a diamond, he calls club.
Last candidate.
Roy Ngerng.
Messiah-complex. But we heard he is one of us. Passionate about his cause, and a good story-teller. We reckon he will help us rid of 377A if he is Prime Minister.
Recently, he wrote on his blog telling us that he can’t be a member of parliament in Government. We were all like ‘awwwwww…’ ‘poor roy’ ‘huggggs’.
He has such a great smile. Maybe he should just go straight and try be the Prime Minister. Skip the member bit. Maybe not. Because if he really does, we will lose everything our forefathers have built. Are we that stupid? Although, Roy, we will like to see you in the sauna and the hot seat instead of the Prime Minister’s. So don’t be disheartened. All the PLUs, i’m sure, support you in one way or another.
So here is our verdict for the Battle of Red Dot: Next Prime Minister.
Our vote-
Tan Chuan-jin
Low Thia Khiang
Chan Chun Sing
Roy Ngerng

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